I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
