He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
