if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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