Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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