Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
