so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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