God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
