Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
