I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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