I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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