Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
