I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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