he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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