WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
