Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
