If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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