So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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