You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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