dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
