Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
