Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
operation have a gay friend backfired
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
