Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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