i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Pants are for mortals
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
