sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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