If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
