Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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