I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
