i think my mom watched the whole time
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
