sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
