i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
