i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
