I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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