yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
