so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Randomize
