Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
