my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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