yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
