The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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