She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
