I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
