yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
