So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My balls are so social today.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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