so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
