is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
