After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
