I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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