actually, I'm a sock model
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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