my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
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