Cold hands, warm shart.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
