would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
